Why do I believe, and what do I believe, exactly?
For years, I have touted that I believe in God. Which frankly speaking, I still do.
Or do I?
I mean, I think I do.
But why? This is a question I would like to explore. Honestly, I feel tormented by the question of belief at times. (Just being honest.)
For years, as in, for most my life, I’ve spent it being a visceral human being. Illogical in reasoning, going with instinctual rationale, following my feelings, believing in what I “feel” is the right thing. Without much thought into scientific reasoning and needing “proof” of everything.
And for the most part, this has worked for me…
Until more lately. I’m not really sure what has changed? But wait for a second. I do know what has changed.
I’m questioning my illogical reasoning.
It’s not to say that I am completely illogical, because I’m not, on the contrary, I’m actually a very logical thinker. Logic is how I come to many conclusions, in work and parenting.
Although, unlike some folks, who are more highly evolved logic based thinkers, I maintain a certain amount of “feelings” as a part of my rationale.
Which for me, if I am honest, is the inlet as to with to which my belief in God took root.
Suddenly, I feel guarded around this belief, in God. The question being: “should it be?”
“Is “God” even for real? Or is this just my imagination?”
It’s nuts. I hadn’t challenged this idea, for a long time at least (well I did, most recently it was during the last fall season, I had similar questions). Not since I was a teenager and early twenties.
I think the struggle that I am dealing with is this: I want something to base my beliefs on other than a book that states a bunch of stuff, and when I think about it, seems pretty far-fetched in tales.
Things like “walking on water.” The parting of the Red Sea. Moses’ staff turning into a snake, then back into a staff again.
Seriously, when is the last time anything like that ever happened in your recollection.
People can write about anything they want. Frankly speaking, the Bible seems like a book of folklore mixed with historical events and the people who played a part in them.
I’m challenged by Biblical explanations that don’t make sense. And the fact that I have accepted the entire book as factual, but am now raising the question of its truth, I’m finding is quite challenging.
But here is something I have to consider: even if I was present to witness miraculous events performed right before my very own eyes. I suspect that after my initial amazement I’d probably still question them somehow.
So this is the challenge of prolonged faith, and this is what it looks like.
These are the questions I bear. And even still, with doubt and challenged faith. I take these in prayer before the cross.
Thank you for reading,
P.S. I’ll be writing some several next posts about why I do believe in God and his son Jesus.